|
"When Your Baby
Wakes Frequently to Breastfeed or Bottle-feed"
If your baby is waking up
every hour or two to breastfeed, bottle-feed, or locate
his pacifier, you may be wondering just what it is that
causes him to wake up so often. The realiity is that brief
nighttime awakenings are a normal part of human sleep,
regardless of age. All babies experience these. The
difference with your baby, who requires nighttime
care every hour or two, is that he is involving you in all
his brief awakening periods.
Your baby makes a “sleep
association,” wherein he associates certain things with
falling asleep and believes he needs these things to fall
asleep. My baby, Coleton, spent much time in his early
months in my arms, his little head bobbing to the tune of
my computer keyboard. From the very moment he was born, he
slept beside me, nursing to sleep for every nap and every
bedtime. By the time I looked up, he was 12 months old,
firmly and totally entrenched in a breastfeeding-to-sleep
association.
Your baby, like my Coleton,
has learned to associate sucking (having your nipple or
his bottle or pacifier in his mouth) with sleeping. I have
heard a number of sleep experts refer to this as a
“negative sleep association.” I certainly disagree,
and so would my baby! It is probably the most positive,
natural, pleasant sleep association a baby can have. The
problem with this association is not the association
itself, but our busy lives. If you had nothing whatsoever
to do besides take care of your baby, this would be a very
pleasant way to pass your days and nights until he
naturally outgrew the need. After all, this is natural.
You may not even see this as a problem, in which case it
is not. It's all a matter of your perception and your
personal needs.
However, in our world, few
parents have the luxury of putting everything else on hold
until their baby gets older. With this in mind, I will
give you a number of ideas so that you can gradually, and
lovingly, help your baby learn to fall asleep without this
very powerful sleep aid.
To take the steps to change
your baby's sleep association, you must complicate night
wakings for a while, but in the long run you can wean your
baby from using his pacifier, bottle, or your breast as
his only nighttime association. In other words, be
prepared to disrupt your own nights for a while to make
some important, worthwhile long-term changes.
Pantley's gentle removal
plan
When your baby wakes, go
ahead and pop his pacifier or his bottle in his mouth, or
nurse him. But, instead of leaving him there and going
back to bed, or letting him fall asleep at the breast, let
him suck for a few minutes until his sucking slows and he
is relaxed and sleepy. Then break the seal with your
finger and gently remove the pacifier or nipple.
Often,
especially at first, your baby then will startle and root
for the nipple. Try to very gently hold his mouth closed
with your finger under his chin, or apply pressure to his
chin, just under his lip, at the same time rocking or
swaying with him. If he struggles against this and fusses
or roots for you or his bottle or pacifier, go ahead and
replace the nipple, but repeat the removal process as
often as necessary until he falls asleep.
How
long between removals? Every baby is different, but about
ten to sixty seconds between removals usually works. You
also should watch your baby's sucking action. If a baby is
sucking strongly or swallowing regularly when feeding,
wait a few minutes until he slows his pace. Usually, after
the initial burst of activity, your baby will slow to a
more relaxed, “fluttery” pace; this is a good time to
begin your removal attempts.
It
may take two to five (or even more) attempts, but
eventually your baby will fall asleep without the pacifier
or nipple in her mouth. When she has done this a number of
times over a period of days, you will notice the removals
are much easier, and her awakenings are less frequent.
“We got to calling
this the Big PPO (Pantley-Pull-Off). At first Joshua
would see it coming and grab my nipple tighter in
anticipation — ouch! But you said to stick with it,
and I did. Now he anticipates the PPO and actually lets
go and turns and rolls over on his side to go to sleep!
I am truly amazed.” —Shannon, mother of 16-month-old
Joshua
If your baby doesn't nap
well, don't trouble yourself with trying to use the
removal technique during the day for naps. Remember that
good naps mean better nighttime sleep — and better
nighttime sleep means better naps. Once you get your baby
sleeping better at night, you can then work on the naptime
sleep.
The most important time to
use Pantley's gentle removal plan is the first falling
asleep of the night. Often the way your baby falls asleep
will affect the rest of his awakenings for the night. I
suspect that this because of the sleep-association affect
that I explained earlier. It seems that the way in which
your baby falls asleep for the night is how he expects to
remain all night long.
Stop feeding a sleeping
baby
I am a follower of the
“never let your baby cry” rule, and I took it very
seriously. What I didn't understand, though, is that
babies make sounds in their sleep. And these sounds do not
mean that baby needs you. Babies moan, grunt, snuffle,
whimper, and even cry in their sleep. Babies can even
nurse in their sleep.
The next step to helping
your baby sleep longer is to determine the difference
between sleeping noises and awake noises. When she makes a
noise: Stop. Listen. Wait. Peek. As you listen attentively
to her noises, and watch her, you will learn the
difference between sleeping snorts and “I'm waking up
and I need you now” noises.
"Last night he
was nursing and I pulled him off and put my finger under
his chin. I was thinking, “This will never work; he'll
be mad!” — but it worked, he went to sleep! The
other trick is working too. When I take him off and then
roll over, he thinks I'm asleep, then he goes to sleep,
too!” —Carol, mother of nine-month-old Ben
Changing your routine
Very often we have a
routine we have followed with our babies since birth. The
final step before sleep is always nursing or having a
bottle. Some babies can continue this pattern and still
sleep through the night. Others, though, need to have the
final step in their routine changed before they begin to
sleep all night.
What you'll want to do is
take an objective look at your final steps in putting your
baby to sleep and make some changes if necessary. You may
want to use massaging, cuddling, or sleepy-time music to
help get your baby to fall asleep. Eventually these steps
will take over for nursing or bottle-feeding, and then
they too will fade away, and your baby will be sleeping
longer.
“I have changed the
way I'm putting Carlene to sleep, and it's working!
Instead of nursing her down, I just feed her until she
is relaxed and then I let her do whatever she wants in
the very dim room with me. When she rubs her eyes and
looks sleepy, I put her in her crib. I stay there and
stand next to the crib, and encourage her to sleep. I
say, 'Shhh, it's night-night time, close your eyes,
sleepy girl,' and I tell her that it's okay to go to
sleep. I rub her head or her tummy. She shuts her eyes
right when I do this. It's been a major breakthrough.”
—Rene, mother of seven-month-old Carlene
Patience, patience, and
just a little more patience
Take a deep breath and
repeat after me: “This too shall pass.” You’re in
the middle of it all right now, and it’s hard. Keep in
mind that your baby’s seeming inability to fall asleep
on his own is not his fault. He’s done things this way
since the day he was born, and he’d be perfectly happy
to keep things as they are. Your goals of helping him feel
loved and secure while discovering ways to fall asleep
without you — without your succumbing to the temptation
of letting him cry it out — are admirable. You have his
best interests at heart. Be patient, take your cues from
your baby, and in no time at all, your baby will be
sleeping. And so will you. Then your concerns will turn to
the next phase in this magnificent, challenging, and
ultimately rewarding experience we call parenthood.
For more information from Elizabeth
Pantley go to her website.
|
